Those were the days Part 10

The Legend that is Bernie Cronin.

People who come into contact with Bernie are always struck by what a character he is. The good things about so called “characters” are they can brighten up your day and make you chuckle. The flip side is some of their actions and behaviour can cause irritation beyond belief, but that is what makes them unique.

“Bernie”isms

There are three things that I want to get off my chest about Bernie. Firstly his stock phrases, second his weird and wonderful habits and finally his “one offs”

I will come back to these at a later date, but meanwhile people may want to click on this link to a Facebook discussion about Bernie to whet their appetite.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=19095954220&set=t.638119220&type=1&theater

Those were the days Part 9

FRED

Fred was the science department mascot, he was a full-size skeleton that we used to dress up often a lab coat, always with flat cap & safety goggles. We bound some tape around one of the hinges of the arm of the specs, so they looked like the ones that Jack Duckworth used to wear when he read the racing form in the paper when he sat in the Rovers Return.

At Christmas time Fred got decorated like a tree with tinsel and the odd bauble. He would always be put in one of the labs in a rough rota so that he toured the school over the year. Each lab looked after him, but his home was always down where I taught.

When we did lessons on smoking in Science and PSE,  Fred would get a fag and two of his fingers stuck in his spring loaded jaw, so it looked like he was puffing away on a tab.

During the World Cup in 98 Fred wore an England shirt and got propped up in front of the TV on a chair in his own when kids came in at lunchtime to watch the afternoon games.

Things to do…..

I have a list of “things to do before I die” that I began a few years ago, in fact it was pre-diagnosis, so that is going back a bit. I think I wrote the ideas and challenges down about 8 years ago, certainly at a time that they were not the trendy bucket lists that they are today.

One of the things I had on there was to shoot less that my age at 9 holes of golf. This was a neat challenge as the older you get, the more shots you get, but perversely as time goes by it becomes harder to simply get around a course.  Most courses are about 35 shots for 9 holes as a rough guide, so I was never going to achieve this until I was in my 40s.

Anyway this challenge had been sitting on the back burner with a few others, but I had revived it after the sudden realisation that I was spending (and wasting a hell of a lot) of time in front of a laptop screen. It was time to shake a leg and get on with it.

I had planned to cheat a little and attempt this task at a really short 9 hole course such as the Green Course at Wexham Park and maybe go around a few times with Baz, who has just started to play. However it did not turn out like that.

Yesterday the feat was achieved at Princes Risborough Golf Club where I tore up the front 9 holes in 41 shots. I was playing match play with Pest and a former student, Will Fairhead and the format of this game means that you do not keep individual scores. However I was doing a mental tot up as I went around of how many shots I had dropped. I birdied the 9th hole and only then it suddenly dawned on me. I had only dropped 7 shots and it meant that Hey! I had hit a 41 and so ticked another thing off the list inadvertently.

Highlight of the round was on the 1st hole. All three of us were scratching around near the green, but nobody had got their ball on the dance floor yet. There was a bloke stood up on the tee behind us so I thought we could wave him through as he looked a big hitter, and I was proved correct when he slapped his drive with a few yards of the green. It is an easy hole to do this if you are any good, but it was still a nice drive off the tee nevertheless.

Your man then came bowling down the fairway with his girlfriend in tow. I hoped it was not a first date, but she looked a little uneasy as she watched her man come past us and flick his ball to within 4 foot of the flag. Golfing etiquette states that the person that you are playing with takes the flag out of the cup whilst you putt at the hole. Clearly his “non-playing” partner did not know about this, so I stepped in and tended the flag. As I did so matey boy crouched over his ‘birdie’ putt and declared “Now this is the hard bit”

My reply was “Well you know that driving is for show……..” as he lined up his shot,

“…….and putting is for dough!” as his effort just lipped out and stayed up!

The joke was lost on the blonde girl. Who takes a girl out to watch you play golf on your own anyhow?

After the Big Shot stomped off I ended up three putting for a six!

Haiku

What is Haiku?

Haiku is one of the most important form of traditional Japanese poetry. Haiku is, today, a 17-syllable verse form consisting of three metrical units of 5, 7, and 5 syllables. Since early days, there has been confusion between the three related terms Haiku, Hokku and Haikai. The term hokku literally means “starting verse”, and was the first starting link of a much longer chain of verses known as haika. Because the hokku set the tone for the rest of the poetic chain, it enjoyed a privileged position in haikai poetry, and it was not uncommon for a poet to compose a hokku by itself without following up with the rest of the chain.

– source: Haiku for People

Here is one of my recent attempts at a decent poem……………..

Off

Seldom seen or heard.

Always waiting to catch me.

And set me in stone.


Those were the days Part 8

SPORTS DAY……

Sports day in my early days of teaching was something the kids either loved or hated. If you are down to do a Patrol Duty this meant you had to man the gates on the field and stop kids escaping.

A coveted duty was to be one of the marshals for the long jump. This was presided over by the head of maths, who used to sit under a beach umbrella and hold court with a thermos flask and ice box with a day’s supply of G&T in it. He would direct kids from his chair and the event ran like clockwork.

I was the man with the gun who in my first year of starting races managed to officiate in about six races where records were broken in 200m & 300m. This was until we worked out that I was starting the students from the front of the changeover box used only for the relay races. This line was 10 m in front of the correct starting point. Oops!

One other monster cock up I made was in the event that was always a grand finale – the year 10 boys’ 4x100m relay. Having sent them off with no hitch I saw that there were two more caps in the pistol. The race was on its third changeover when I decided to be lazy and not take out the caps but to shoot them off instead. I did not know that two sharp rounds from the gun was a signal for a false start, but it certainly dawned on me when the whole race ground to a halt and the whole school turned round to look at the muppet who had stopped the race.

I think PE Department award me a medal for that ‘Champagne moment’ in the leavers’ assembly for that year group.

Am I going to get red carded?

Saturday Morning July 16th.

I refuse to be a doping cheat. My shallots are going to be baby talc free in The Lee Village Flower Show Vegetable Class 23 Open Section today. I am no drug cheat, although talc is still used to buff up most bulbs.

Midday

The weather has been rotten for the show today, but my shallots have been entered and staged in a tent that hopefully has not blown away in the gales. I am slightly concerned that I will be marked down on uniformity compared to the ones I see on the net – the ones I have  exhibited look proper rubbish. I only entered the shallot class very last minute as my spuds were so poor this year.

Tea Time

We go back to find I have nailed not only the Visitors Veg section, winning the  1st prize of £1 and a certificate with RED type but I have scooped the Visitors Cup (by default, but a win is a win!). The cup is a huge lump of silver wear and looks the doggies swingers! I am stunned! Rather unfortunate choice of T-shirt too as I go up to receive my award.

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