Classic one liners……8

The Bristolian dialect can be confusing to a lot of people. 

Bristolians will often mispronounce words, or change their meaning. Just like those old boys down at the football  in a previous post.

My mate Jon tells the story where a group of work colleagues were arranging a lift share to another office.

During the discussion one of the girls pipes up with “We could all go in my car, but I don’t think it’s a good idea, as my driving is a bit erotic”

What was the Score?

4824C07300000578-5268925-image-a-45_1515970584236

Those that know me will know that I am a soccer nut and love following not only my team (Bristol Rovers), but the game in general. In the days before smart phones there were only a few ways that you could find out how your team had got on on that particular Saturday, unless you were actually at the match.

When I was teacher training in Leeds I would often walk into town and pick up a Sheffield Star Green Un at the Central Station. The last of these match day results newspapers has ceased trading of this season. The Portsmouth  Sports Mail “Pink ‘un” is no more.

Another way of finding out how your team had got on was to listen to the results on the radio at 5pm. 

Sports Report with its instantly recognisable theme tune was a national institution and still going strong today. Having said that I learn today that the BBC are going to end the Classified Results service on Radio 5

Nothing is sacred when it comes to football in the modern age.

My days, it cannot be happening, can it?

The press reports about Boris Johnson has been given summaries of sensitive material via WhatsApp for administrative ease raises the question as to what the prime minister uses his red boxes for.

Somewhere to keep his colouring book and crayons?

Do they double up as his lunch box, or maybe somewhere to stash his party snacks?

Boris Johnson gets summaries of sensitive government material via WhatsApp

Bike Hero #8 and #9

The Tour of Britain has been Live on TV this past week and yesterday there was a magic moment during the Stage to Edinburgh.

You get the odd nutcase in the big Grand Tours of France and Spain who run along side the competitors shouting encouragement they grind up a mountain.

A local lad, Xander Graham, kept pace with the leading group of riders for a fair way along the route by cycling on the pavement. His efforts were rewarded by race rider Pascal Eenkhoorn with a water bottle.

It was a great moment to see.

https://www.tourofbritain.co.uk/pascal-eenkhoorn-meets-young-cycling-fan-xander-graham-at-aj-bell-tour-of-britain/

Bike hero #7 Beth Shriever

There have been a few posts on this blog about my bike heroes. Only 6 have been chosen so far:

  1. Sheldon Brown the bike building oracle was the first on the list of heroes. He was a great inspiration, source of information and point of reference when I did my own build.
  2. Danny MacAskill has come a long way since he received my second nomination. The things that he can do on a bike still take your breath away.
  3. The come back kid, Mark Cavendish, has broken records in this year’s Tour de France and has always been a legend in my opinion.
  4. Mario Cipollini is a blast from the past. Bike Heroes #5 and #6 are more personal additions to the list. These last two inductees have with no links to competitive cycling. Nevertheless the latest bike hero is a true competitor. An olympic champion no less.

Beth Shriever take a bow – you are (BMX) bike hero #7.

Let’s face it. BMX racing is more fun to watch than archery.

BMX racing is more accessible to young people who want to try it out than Equestrian sports.

Despite a funding cut from UkSport and a double leg break in the lead up to the games, Beth Shriever won an Olympic gold in Tokyo after a thrilling final race. Her gold medal represents a better return for team GB than the entire rowing squad can muster.

This girl is a new sensation, yet she humbly points out that it was an achievement just to get to Tokyo in the first place.

Beth has had to self finance her training and travel to events through a crowdfunding website and working as a teaching assistant in a primary school for 2 days a week.

Meanwhile the lottery funding for the Olympic rowing team is £24.6 million

Equestrian team get £12.5 million from UkSport

Even Archery gets £1.1 million to fund the Olympic squad.

From what I can see Beth won her gold medal in spite of and not with the support from UkSport.

There are some other interesting totals in these funding figures

https://www.uksport.gov.uk/our-work/investing-in-sport/current-funding-figures

Bike Hero #3 Mark Cavendish returns.

Well now, who would have believed it.

It is an emotional win

The post race interview says so much. Mark Cavendish is lost for words after his 31st win at the Tour de France.

The legend lives on.

And two days later Tour de France stage win #32 is chalked up. Again the break away is foiled and the sprinters battle out the finish. The man in green wins with apparent ease.

It looks like he is in love with cycling again and his smile says that all is well with the World.

This is a rider who is still winning stages of the World’s greatest 3 week cycle race at the age of 36. This is unprecedented. This simply should not be happening.

The next hurdle to over come is the Alps. Mountain stages just need to be completed within certain time limits, if he gives up or does not get to the finish line his Tour is over. With the help of his team mates he survives.

Back on the flat Cavendish is in his element. Stage 10 is a textbook finish. His team mates work together and go flat out to deliver the man in green almost to the finish line. Cavendish does the rest, making it look so easy. Win #33 is reached – just one away from the all time record.

A text book sprint finish

This is getting tougher – but there is no stopping the Manx Missile. A hot day in the South of France is where he draws level with Eddy Merckx.

Chapeau!

He has done it!

Those were the days Part 31

Maths and the male anatomy


I had forgotten all about this prank. Seeing the daffodils emerging again this spring brought back the memory of a well planned stroke pulled by a fellow reprobate at the West London Comprehensive.

His task was to teach Coordinates. Using a grid marked out as below, the point A on the grid has the coordinates (-2,3) for example.

The Maths department was in the main school building, on the floor above the reception area and Head’s Office.

Classrooms in the “maths corridor” looked out over the driveway into the school. There was a great view of the main school gates and a neat and tidily kept lawn, which lead to the reception area.

Deciding to break with convention and jazz up the lesson the teacher used the lawn at the front of the school as the class grid. He had pre-marked out the grid lines with pegs and garden string. Daffodil bulbs were used to mark the coordinates.

A list of coordinates was given to his class and it did not take long for the group of students to go outside and plot the points by burying a bulb in the correct location.

The bulbs took till the spring to sprout and reveal the pattern that they made. The view at ground level of the flowers appeared random. It was only when you looked from the classroom that the crude, cartoon like, diagram of the male anatomy became clearer.

The Upward Inflection.

Back in 2001 Stephen Fry appeared on the BBC tv panel show Room 101 and talked about his dislike of AQI or Australian Question Intonation.

This trait is when someone raises the pitch of their voice at the end of sentences as if they were questions, but in fact they are not. “Uptalk” is common amongst Australian and American accents and seems to prevail amongst younger people.

I understand that languages evolve, but listening to someone constantly use an upward inflection to finish every sentence makes the speaker appear whiny and insecure.

It is annoying, but what can you do?

Dave Prowse. A Bristol legend

Dave Prowse sadly passed away today. A true giant at 6 foot 6 inches tall, the man who famously played Darth Vader in the Star Wars Films.

As a young kid I remember him as the Green Cross Code Man. He taught us how to cross the road at a safe spot, and to stop, look and listen before we stepped off the kerb.

Another claim to fame was recorded at The Fleece and Firkin brew-pub in Bristol in the mid 1980’s.

The brew-pub concept was a novelty in those days. Real ale was a niche product and the majority of drinkers chose lager over anything else. However The Firkin chain had a unique selling point and that was the head splitting brew called “Dog Bolter”.

The Fleece was always a lively place, it had a big open bar and was part of the circuit of boozers you would stop in on a night out with the lads.

Today the pub has evolved into an excellent music venue and the walls are decorated with tour posters of the bands that have played there.

Back in the day the walls were hung with honours boards displaying names of those people who had drunk a gallon of Dog Bolter. It seems crazy now drinking 8 pints of high strength ale in a session,  just to get your name written up on a wooden board.

There were not many names up there. A list of people where one name stood out, as it was the only one with the successful completion time written next to it.

I cannot remember the time written up there, but it must have been a record breaker. The person who drank the quickest gallon of Dog Bolter was, you guessed it, Dave Prowse.