Tagged: old school

CJ a year has gone by and your footer club is managed by a Italian facist!

Now then, I forgot about the one year anniversary of Clive’s death as I was  on my Czech beer crusade. He would have approved, certainly more so than with  the appointment of a new boss at the County Ground. Got me thinking back CJ!

Phosphorescence is a word I remember looking up in a dictionary whilst reading Kenneth Grahame’s description of a moonlit punt by Rat and Mole in Wind in the Willows. As a Chemist I did not really compute as to what this was all about until I learned about Henning Brand and his discovery of the element from which the phenomena got its name.

Finally, this is where CJ comes in, I actually saw a wonderful example of phosphorescence when I used “the downstairs toilet” of his 1930’s canal boat in the small hours of one moonlit night. The boat that Sue and CJ lived on did not have its own flushing toilet – the nearest one was in the shower block of the marina.  A few pints of Thatcher’s cider (with a slice) in the local pub to wash down the meal we had that night lead to one of those “needed that” pisses over the side of the boat. Before retiring to bed himself, CJ was good enough to show me the right spot to stand at and aim in case I got caught short in the night. “Good man CJ!” I thought to myself as I followed his advice, finally seeing what Kenneth Grahame was on about as I urinated into the River Avon.

On a Saturday I used to stop by and see Clive by taking a quick detour down the A4 on my way home from watching the Rovers in Bristol. It was always good to catch up and just chew the fat. I remember Sue always cooked a bit of garlic on his eggs at breakfast the next morning. I too like Andy Daly miss the old fart.

Those were the days Part 11a

Laaaaaads! – a stock phrase of Bernie’s, so much so that it was mimicked by a lot of the boys he taught. Could be compared with the Estuary English vernacular phrase of “innit!” and used in a similar way particularly at the end of a sentence.

Have a good ‘un! – Bernie says this in a lot of ways, just in terms of its altering its length and intonation Bernie can imply a different meaning.  He can say it glibly, in a very curt manor as a response to something that he agrees with or a piece of news that comes as no surprise – a sort of “told you so”. Conversely a long drawn out and slow exclamation can be translated as “Oh, my, God….” in certain situations

All staff that he played football with were called by their surnames with an “o” at the end of it eg Paul Simpson was Simpo, I was Morgo, the head of Music Judith Bridges was Bridgo. The only exception to this golden rule was the Head of Sixth Form, Brian Roberts was not Robbo, but Shergar based on his first appearance for the staff football team!

Luv – most women in authority were treated with this term of address which poor old Bernie thought was his way of being respectful. I remember an INSET day session where we instructed by a power dressed expert on assessment or some such for about half an hour. When the Q&A session started good old Bernie put his hand up and said “Right then Luv, I have a question about ….” You could see her bristle at the way she was addressed but good old Bernie did not see the signals. He used this term of familiarity a few more times and each time it made everyone in the room wince.

Listen!……….. This was often a long drawn out exclamation as he used to get pissed off that you were not paying him much attention. Bernie spouts so much garbage though that nobody listens to him!

The following trio were used a lot during PE lessons when he used to join kids 5 a-side games, to which he used to provide a running commentary

Don’t Move! – This was shouted out to a kid on the other side of the pitch who he tried to spray a pass to.  Something like David Beckham would do. He had about a 50% success rate at completing the pass!

Done him! – a shout of glee as he would gallop past a kid with the ball at his feet.  Not quite Brian Glover, but you get the drift!

Next Goal wins! – always a kids favourite this one, especially when his team was 7-3 down at the time!

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Those were the days Part 10

The Legend that is Bernie Cronin.

People who come into contact with Bernie are always struck by what a character he is. The good things about so called “characters” are they can brighten up your day and make you chuckle. The flip side is some of their actions and behaviour can cause irritation beyond belief, but that is what makes them unique.

“Bernie”isms

There are three things that I want to get off my chest about Bernie. Firstly his stock phrases, second his weird and wonderful habits and finally his “one offs”

I will come back to these at a later date, but meanwhile people may want to click on this link to a Facebook discussion about Bernie to whet their appetite.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=19095954220&set=t.638119220&type=1&theater

Those were the days Part 9

FRED

Fred was the science department mascot, he was a full-size skeleton that we used to dress up often a lab coat, always with flat cap & safety goggles. We bound some tape around one of the hinges of the arm of the specs, so they looked like the ones that Jack Duckworth used to wear when he read the racing form in the paper when he sat in the Rovers Return.

At Christmas time Fred got decorated like a tree with tinsel and the odd bauble. He would always be put in one of the labs in a rough rota so that he toured the school over the year. Each lab looked after him, but his home was always down where I taught.

When we did lessons on smoking in Science and PSE,  Fred would get a fag and two of his fingers stuck in his spring loaded jaw, so it looked like he was puffing away on a tab.

During the World Cup in 98 Fred wore an England shirt and got propped up in front of the TV on a chair in his own when kids came in at lunchtime to watch the afternoon games.

Those were the days Part 8

SPORTS DAY……

Sports day in my early days of teaching was something the kids either loved or hated. If you are down to do a Patrol Duty this meant you had to man the gates on the field and stop kids escaping.

A coveted duty was to be one of the marshals for the long jump. This was presided over by the head of maths, who used to sit under a beach umbrella and hold court with a thermos flask and ice box with a day’s supply of G&T in it. He would direct kids from his chair and the event ran like clockwork.

I was the man with the gun who in my first year of starting races managed to officiate in about six races where records were broken in 200m & 300m. This was until we worked out that I was starting the students from the front of the changeover box used only for the relay races. This line was 10 m in front of the correct starting point. Oops!

One other monster cock up I made was in the event that was always a grand finale – the year 10 boys’ 4x100m relay. Having sent them off with no hitch I saw that there were two more caps in the pistol. The race was on its third changeover when I decided to be lazy and not take out the caps but to shoot them off instead. I did not know that two sharp rounds from the gun was a signal for a false start, but it certainly dawned on me when the whole race ground to a halt and the whole school turned round to look at the muppet who had stopped the race.

I think PE Department award me a medal for that ‘Champagne moment’ in the leavers’ assembly for that year group.

Those were the days Part 7

Why we have a block on picture searches

We used to be able to search for images with laptops. You get blocked from doing so by the County server these days. If you read on you will see one reason why.

I was teaching a year seven class about food chains using a food web that had a field of corn as the habitat for insects, field mice, various birds….. You catch the drift. One the girls in the class genuinely did not know what a swallow was. I told her it was a bird that ate insects. She still had no idea. So in order to provide a remedy for her blank stare, I did a quick picture search on Google and beckoned her over to my desk. As she approached the first hit came for an image from howtomakeyourwifeswallow.com which was hastily minimised with a Homer Simpsonesque yelp! It was a close call and luckily I was not hooked up to the projector at the time!

When I started teaching 30 years ago……..

I started my professional career in teaching on 8th July 1991 at a West London comprehensive school and I was thinking….

 

 

When I started teaching:

  • Kids stood up in the Hall when the Head walked in to start an assembly.
  • The Headteacher in my first school always taught a GCSE class, turned up to department meetings, wrote reports etc. Just to keep his toe in the water.
  • Some staff would go down the pub at lunch every day, without fail. The Clay Pigeon used to take a copy of the TES on a Friday from the news agent as so many staff went there at lunchtime on that day
  • Every parents evening you were served a hot meal before the appointments started or alternatively you could claim travel expenses for a return journey to and from home.
  • Wine was always served at all INSET day lunches.
  • Reports were written by hand once a year on A5 carbon paper for each student.
  • The form tutor report also had space for a comment from Head of Year and the Head Teacher too. The Head wrote a comment about every kid in the school every year.
  • UCAS was done by hand. If you wanted to write a reference (by hand) on a student you went to the school file, which if you were lucky had a few clumps of year reports in it on hard to read carbon paper to use for background info.
  • WORD had only one font option.
  • Computers were not networked, they were pushed around class rooms on trolleys
  • Chalk was king
  • You could smoke in the staff room
  • Registers were filled in by hand simply with a ‘/’ or ‘O’ with red and black ink
  • You could tell off an unruly student and they would stand there and take a good verbal whelping. You could have it out with them without having a ‘time out’ card waved in your face, or the kid simply walking off away from you because they ‘had issues’.
  • You differentiated by getting brighter kids to copy out more than their less able peers.
  • It hardly ever snowed. One change for the better.
  • The Borough minibus test consisted of backing out the minibus onto the school car park from its garage, driving to Sainsburys across the road, turning round and coming back the long way round the block. Providing you did not curb the bus turning left on the way back you passed. It did not involve waiting till you were 26 and having to pay £2k for the training course and test.
  • Mini buses had no power steering and PE teachers had arms like Popeye.
  • The staff football team had a better kit than the students.
  • A three part lesson Period 5 most days was as follows: shout at the kids, copy out, and put the stools up at the end.
  • Students used my digital scales to check the mass of their lucky pennies, as drug dealers had not yet done the analogue to digital switch. The pennies were used to measure out the set weight of puff on pan scales
  • INSET days were called “Baker” days after the Government minister who took a week off our holidays and made us come into work instead.
  • I regularly played football with a year 11  group if their PE lesson coincided with one of my free periods.
  • Free Periods were free, not “Non-contact time”

Those were the days Part 6

Maths Vocabulary

I am grateful for the cover supervisors who do a thankless task in covering classes these days. I have said this before, but man alive, have I done some maths covers in my time, particularly at planet QM. It got so bad that I was asked for an appointment for parents evening by one kid as I had covered his class so much.

It is hard to teach maths – it is great that once they master something. Kids love to do the same process or calculation time and time again. They find it comforting – a sort of algebraic ‘copying out’.

What is hard is introducing a new term or equation to students, especially when you only know your way of doing the new calculation yourself.

I have learned over the years that the following verbs are essential when teaching maths:

Addzez                      (+)                   eg. “3 addz 4 is 7”

Takesawayz             (-)                    eg. “13 takesawayz 2 is 11”

Timezez                     (x)                   eg. “ 2 timezez 2 is 4”

Guzinterz                  (÷)                   eg. “6 guzinterz 24 4times”

Those were the days Part 5


 

Work Experience Visits

During the Summer term all the Year 10 students spent two weeks out of school  on a variety of work placements. There was an expectation that staff went to see how the students were getting on. Teacher visits were organised using a booking sheet by the staff room that you could sign up your name next to a student. It was pretty flexible and there were a few perks, one of which was the fact that you got out of school and away from being called for “cover” if you went visiting.

Some students really blossomed in the working environment and it was just a nice to see how they were getting on. 

One mentor of mine, a Tea-club stalwart and fellow member of the Science department Richard Michaels (RM) shared the same GCSE science classes in year 10 and 11. This meant that during work experience in June we had a lot of “free” periods that coincided.

RM suggested that we did a batch of work experience visits together along the High Street, as we had similar “free” periods in a run from mid-morning till the end of school. 

So the next day, after prearranging via a few phone calls, we visited a group of students who were working from Woolworths to the solicitors’ office all the way up the High Street. It was good to see the kids doing well and after completing the last visit RM suggested we debriefed in The Swan.

At the pub we had a good go at writing up the visit reports, as it was still lunch time at school and we were free last period. Here RM assumed the old git, Inspector Morse role and I (as Sergeant Lewis) was the younger partner, who got stitched up with the driving and getting the rounds bought.

As I brought the drinks back RM leaned back in his chair and puffed out a plume of smoke and said “This is the life! Year 11 are down the road, no classes to teach, no registration neither!”

REGISTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My jaw dropped. I could see RM grinning smugly. He had no tutor group, whereas I had a Year 9 form to register. The school had a 5 minute afternoon registration period where you checked everyone was present, distributed notes and notices to your tutor group and then sent them on to their afternoon lessons.  

He knew the score and I had been mugged off. I checked the clock……….. Too late! I had no time to get back in time to do it. Panic set in, I had visions of my form group drifting in to the lab after getting bored of waiting for me and causing mayhem. Knowing them it could get messy.

I jumped up and got on the payphone and quickly punched in the numbers.

Rings for ages, no answer. Kids will be waiting now. COME ON PICK UP!

Still rings. I have visions of my lab getting trashed.

Receptionist finally answers

“Chris, it’s Sam. I need help!”

“You’re down the pub aren’t you?”

“No I am not! I need a really quick favour”

At this point someone in the pub wins on the fruit machine and it starts paying out loudly. RM is laughing his socks off.

“You ARE down the pub!”

“YES I AM DOWN THE PUB! Just please get someone to register my form. PLEASE!”

RM is in absolute stitches.

“I will see what I can do. Make sure RM behaves himself!”

I could have swung for him, sitting there with his fag, pint and big grin.

Those were the days part 4

Inspections OFSTED had not been invented when I first started teaching. Instead you got dropped in on by Borough ‘advisors’ on a very infrequent and irregular basis.

During one lesson observation of a Tea-club member tension was building. As the class beavered away, putting together a spice rack, or some such wooden contraption, the advisor scuttled around the workshop with his pen and clipboard, occasionally asking the teacher inane questions.

The Tea-club member normally did not take any messing and the advisor clearly irritated him. When another “shouldn’t you be doing it this way?’ question came his way the teacher finally lost it.

“Right lads,” bellowed the irate teacher “tools down, machines off!” The wagon load of monkeys that was this year 10 class ground to a halt and silence returned to the workshop.

“Now then lads, as you can see we have a visitor today, a Mr Jones. He is a so called expert in woodwork teaching and I have decided that he knows far more about my job than I do, so I am going to leave you both to it and go for a brew.”

Then beckoning with his hands he introduced both parties, “Lads. Mr Jones.” “Mr Jones, meet the lads, they are all yours!” and then walked out and left them to it! Old school!